FAQ
Asked at the nursery gate
What people ask when they find a nursery with one plant. Answered from behind the counter, which is a wheelbarrow.
- Nine dollars for what, exactly?
- A name on a state form, a pot, and the same shrub that grows free on every road in the state. The form is the product. The pot is presentation.
- Is there a discount version without the pot?
- There is a two-dollar outfit with the same name and no s. It is bare root. We do not discuss it at the counter.
- Who tends the plant?
- Nobody. It is sagebrush. Tending it would be an insult to the plant and a cost to us.
- What happens to mail addressed to the company?
- It goes in the pot. Pots hold a surprising amount of mail before anyone notices.
- What if a process server comes to the nursery?
- The gate is unlatched. What happens after that is the state's rule for a company with nobody home, quoted on the Wyoming page.
- Does the plant ship to other states?
- It is hardy to exactly one state line and we have never tested the other side of it.
- Will the price go up next year?
- The price is printed on the label. Reprinting labels costs money. The price stays.
- Can I return the pot?
- Yes. It will be refilled with the same nothing for a second year. That is the closest thing we have to a loyalty program.
- What else is on the shelf?
- The whole catalogue, at a price: Bucking Horse Agents at $0, IDGAF Registered Agents at $1, Sagebrush Registered Agent at $2, YOLO Registered Agent at $2.50, Tree Fiddy Registered Agents at $3.50, Tumbleweed Registered Agent at $4, YOLO Registered Agents at $5, Wind River Agents at $6, Dogwater Registered Agent at $7, Bighorn Agents at $10, Big Sky Registered Agent at $11, Mid Wyoming Agent at $12, Ranch Hand Agents at $14, Prairie Registered Agent at $16, Dogwater Registered Agents at $17, 19 Registered Agent at $19, 19 Registered Agents at $19, Mid Wyoming Agents at $22, Tumbleweed Agents at $23, IDGAF Agents at $24, Mid Registered Agent at $27, Bison Registered Agent at $28, Registered Agents of WY at $30, Devils Tower Registered Agent at $31, Devils Tower Registered Agents at $32, Registered Agent of WY at $34, Big Sky Agent at $36, Mid Registered Agents at $37, Antelope Agents at $38, Big Sky Registered Agent Co. at $40, Ranch Registered Agent at $41 and Howdy Registered Agent at $43. We are nine dollars, potted. The plant is the same at every price. Ours has soil.
- What is your liability if the plant dies?
- Capped at the fees you paid in the three months before it died, which is $2.25. The plant does not die. It was never alive in the way you mean.
- Is anyone at the counter?
- The counter is a wheelbarrow. Sometimes it has moved, which suggests somebody.
- Why is the office called a nursery?
- Because it has one plant in it and a price on a stick. Every other definition fits worse.
- Can you cancel my order?
- At any time, for any reason or none, without notice and without refund. Things go dormant. That is nursery life.